I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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