benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And then the night went full on bisexual.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
