I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
