"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
