I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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