Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
