i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
