I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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