dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
