You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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