But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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