I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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