I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
