I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
handjob tips. give me some.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
