Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
