Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
