im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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