god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
