Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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