I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
