You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
