considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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