She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
