Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
