it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
