Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
