Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
