Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
