3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
