And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
