It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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