none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Randomize
