i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
