Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
