I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
