the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
