I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
