oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
