I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
