a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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