Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
