i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
