I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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