Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
