A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
