You're my little dorito
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
