Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
