brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
