i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
