So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
