Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You ruined the universe
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
