He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
